"Santa Claus buys life insurance" said Soleus Winters with Upper North
Life Insurance Co. Upper North is best
known for their frozen asset distribution facility based in Iceland.
Winters said he enjoyed the conversation with Santa Claus over a snack
served with buttermilk and shortbread cookies. “It was a memorable meeting to say the least”
said Winters. Every question was answered correctly, and each was checked
twice.
Santa had met with Winters and the North Pole attorney, Pot Hole to
discuss an estate freeze. Things were dancing like sugar plums with Santa,
Winters and Hole said; and then it was time for the medical questions. With the
wink of an eye, Winters asked “Do you smoke?” Santa answered slowly as his marshmallow
like hand tenderly embraced the corncob pipe which he had received from his good
friend Frosty the snowman. “Just a little” he said “and I don’t inhale either. I
just do it because I like the smoke rings which circle my hat”.
“And what is your weight” asked Winters. Santa smiled and laughed as he
said "I hate lactose free milk, sugar free cookies and frost bitten sandwiches”.
Winters said, “I said what is your weight,
not what do you hate”. "Oh" Santa said,
“275 lbs. on a good day.”
Then came the cardiac questions. “How is your Heart Santa? Oh my
goodness jiggled Santa, “It’s over sized and soft”. Winters kept writing trying
not to make eye contact. “What about your liver?” “It’s best fried and with
onions" Claus said as he leaned back and folded his fingertips together and
rested is hands over his belly which moved like a bowl full of jelly.
“How about your exercise habits” was the next question. “Ho Ho Ho, I’m small enough to slip down any
chimney, nimble enough to tip toe across any living room, and wise enough to
hold on when Prancer passes gas” “Oh
Prancer” choked Santa.
Winters asked Santa to sign on the dotted line which looked like little
snowflakes all lined up. “With Hole as my witness” Santa Said, “I have been a
good little boy”, and with those words, the deal went as smooth as ice.
Santa jiggled again for no apparent reason.
“What happens now” said Santa? “We send this paper on the sleigh to the
underwriters, who put it under a glass dome and shake it a little and see what
falls” said Winters.
Within no time at all and as quick as a flash, the policy arrived all
curled with a bow and hung by the fire. Not standard, not normal, but Super Preferred
were the words on the ribbon. “Issued with care” was the inscription. . “Look”
said Santa “its hole life”. Santa bounced at his own humor. “Just what I wanted for Christmas”. Santa
turned his head and with a nod to Winters said “now dash away, dash away dash
away all."
If you are in Nova Scotia and would like some insurance advice, please
contact Corry Collins:
902-444-7000
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